Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
Randomize
