I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
Randomize
