At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
Randomize
