tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
My Higher Power is John Stamos
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
