he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
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