i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Randomize
