like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
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