It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Randomize
