My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
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