he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
