also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
Randomize
