I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
Randomize
