i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
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