yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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