Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
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