Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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