While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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