can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Randomize
