I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
