i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
