We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
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