Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
Randomize
