So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
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