i jhust puked up my retainher.
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize
