Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
