we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
