i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
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