i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
I'm passing your future prison.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
