I smell stomach acid.
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Randomize