Texts From Last Night

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  (845): View more from New York

  he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.

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  (845): he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after. http://tfl.nu/w4bv
  Replies (78) Good night (5834) Bad night (2743)
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  (712): View more from Iowa

  it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe

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  (712): it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe http://tfl.nu/5ing
  Replies (14) Good night (3662) Bad night (1370)
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  (778): View more from British Columbia

  The beer is more important than you right now.

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  (778): The beer is more important than you right now. http://tfl.nu/guwa
  Replies (8) Good night (3584) Bad night (1354)
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  (607): View more from New York

  Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.

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  (607): Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later. http://tfl.nu/om4f
  Replies (27) Good night (4693) Bad night (1486)
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  (360): View more from Washington

  Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.

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  (360): Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk. http://tfl.nu/ed4r
  Replies (12) Good night (4528) Bad night (729)
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  (516): View more from New York

  I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?

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  (516): I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you? http://tfl.nu/jwce
  Replies (6) Good night (2752) Bad night (866)
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  (763): View more from Minnesota

  FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.

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  (763): FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though. http://tfl.nu/i3qf
  Replies (6) Good night (2483) Bad night (1047)
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  (602): View more from Arizona

  literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.

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  (602): literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk. http://tfl.nu/38ru
  Replies (9) Good night (2028) Bad night (723)
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  (337): View more from Louisiana

  Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine

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  (337): Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine http://tfl.nu/2dy1
  Replies (4) Good night (1296) Bad night (1532)
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  (215): View more from Pennsylvania

  We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.

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  (215): We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left. http://tfl.nu/c9gd
  Replies (6) Good night (704) Bad night (2147)
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  (727): View more from Florida

  It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.

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  (727): It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm. http://tfl.nu/84qt
  Replies (4) Good night (2070) Bad night (636)
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  (484): View more from Pennsylvania

  After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.

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  (484): After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me. http://tfl.nu/p7tl
  Replies (6) Good night (796) Bad night (1488)
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  (613): View more from Ontario

  She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think

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  (613): She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think http://tfl.nu/7fbd
  Replies (21) Good night (861) Bad night (1935)
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  (540): View more from Virginia

  I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking

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  (540): I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking http://tfl.nu/y8vi
  Replies (1) Good night (621) Bad night (362)
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  (217): View more from Illinois

  if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago

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  (217): if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago http://tfl.nu/bg9i
  Replies (3) Good night (865) Bad night (238)

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