We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex