Texts From Last Night

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  (616): View more from Michigan

  You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.

  (248): View more from Michigan

  no

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  (616): You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls. (248): no http://tfl.nu/la9c
  Replies (21) Good night (1004) Bad night (1727)
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  (914): View more from New York

  i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.

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  (914): i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to. http://tfl.nu/n2ms
  Replies (12) Good night (746) Bad night (3755)
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  (239): View more from Florida

  just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.

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  (239): just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried. http://tfl.nu/7tbj
  Replies (16) Good night (5447) Bad night (910)
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  (913): View more from Kansas

  No, drunk sperm still make babies.

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  (913): No, drunk sperm still make babies. http://tfl.nu/xn33
  Replies (15) Good night (1062) Bad night (5608)
• Favorite

  (908): View more from New Jersey

  why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?

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  (908): why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it? http://tfl.nu/3moc
  Replies (52) Good night (1902) Bad night (4824)
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  (978): View more from Massachusetts

  i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.

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  (978): i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running. http://tfl.nu/jcc8
  Replies (76) Good night (16616) Bad night (2189)
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  (714): View more from California

  And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.

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  (714): And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless. http://tfl.nu/ni8k
  Replies (8) Good night (3154) Bad night (875)
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  (417): View more from Missouri

  She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.

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  (417): She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit. http://tfl.nu/3bxb
  Replies (21) Good night (3883) Bad night (1409)
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  (443): View more from Maryland

  Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.

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  (443): Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face. http://tfl.nu/p4qr
  Replies (5) Good night (1296) Bad night (437)
• Favorite

  (402): View more from Nebraska

  Tiny.

  (402): View more from Nebraska

  I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.

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  (402): Tiny. (402): I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed. http://tfl.nu/6vga
  Replies (8) Good night (1553) Bad night (727)
• Favorite

  (419): View more from Ohio

  I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him

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  (419): I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him http://tfl.nu/czew
  Replies (5) Good night (1604) Bad night (581)
• Favorite

  (703): View more from Virginia

  I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.

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  (703): I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone. http://tfl.nu/an49
  Replies (5) Good night (434) Bad night (872)
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  (304): View more from West Virginia

  I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.

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  (304): I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here. http://tfl.nu/t14q
  Replies (5) Good night (746) Bad night (338)
• Favorite

  (774): View more from Massachusetts

  Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.

  (508): View more from Massachusetts

  Swish.

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  (774): Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car. (508): Swish. http://tfl.nu/6xy2
  Replies (8) Good night (766) Bad night (465)
• Favorite

  (360): View more from Washington

  My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.

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  (360): My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be. http://tfl.nu/3ncs
  Replies (2) Good night (355) Bad night (447)

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