butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
