that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
19 Of The Creepiest (Most Inexplicable) Things People Experienced
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
Pick me up at 9.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.