My brain says no but my pants say off.
Who did Billy Mays play for?
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
Randomize
