i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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