well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
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