Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
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