Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Randomize
