So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
Randomize
