last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
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