You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Randomize
