i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
Randomize
