Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
