i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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