dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
