ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
