before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize