Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
