i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Randomize
