Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
Randomize
