It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
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