you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
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