you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
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