I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
Randomize
