he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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