I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
Randomize
