I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
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