Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
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