I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
Randomize
