Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize
