I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
Randomize
