...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
