wat bout pragnant strippers??
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Randomize
