There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
I want to fling myself into the sun
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
Randomize