i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
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