so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
I have surprise drugs for everyone
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
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