Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize