well I can't set my house on fire every night
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Randomize
