dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Randomize
