It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
