I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
So much Jack, so little girl.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
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