My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
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