So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
Even my vagina gasped.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
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