I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
