so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Randomize
