they need to just BURY HIM!
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
