Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Randomize
