Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
