she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
You're a waste of cheezeits
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
