Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
Randomize
