Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
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