I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
Randomize
