i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
Randomize
