bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Randomize
