just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
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