guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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